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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22824817">With You When the Deal Goes Down</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/pseuds/alexcat'>alexcat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: The Winter Soldier, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Inexperienced Steve Rogers, Natasha's past, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:41:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,759</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22824817</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/pseuds/alexcat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha is in love with Steve. It takes her a long, long time to show him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Of Elves and Men</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>With You When the Deal Goes Down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story was partially written quite some time ago and I recently decided to finish it up. My WIP folder is long and I'm working on finishing more of the bits and bobs in that folder.</p><p>Yelena and Melina were made up from 616 info and what little I could find about Black Widow, the movie. </p><p>The name of this story comes from a Bob Dylan Song and it just so happens that Scarlett Johansson was in the official video. You can see it here: https://youtu.be/CEoGqUqy-0w</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>We live and we die, we know not why<br/>
But I'll be with you when the deal goes down</i><br/>
~ Bob Dylan </p><p>*</p><p>1.<br/>
Natasha Romanov had been in love with Steve Rogers since the first time she saw him on the helicarrier.  He was certainly out of her league.  He was a white hat, a hero and even though she worked with the good guys, there was still a lot of the Soviet spy in Natasha Romanov.  No, she wasn’t working for the Russians anymore, but she was still a spy and sometimes black op and being those things didn’t make anyone a hero, least of all, her.  </p><p>After the battle of New York, they’d all moved into Stark’s Avengers Tower in New York. The two of them ended up next door neighbors. Natasha was not very domestic, but Steve was completely new to the modern world all together. He was helpless.   </p><p>“Nat? Help me work the microwave?”  Steve stuck his head in her door, looking quite desperate. That she could do.  </p><p>She followed him to his apartment. It smelled like he’d burned a whole body in the microwave.  “What did you do?” </p><p>“I put it in for 30 minutes.” </p><p>“It?” A cow?  A shoe? </p><p>“Broccoli – it was broccoli.” </p><p>“Oh, Steve. I think it was supposed to be 3 minutes.  Where is the package?”</p><p>He handed her the bag… yep, it said 3 minutes. </p><p>“Microwaves use microwave energy to cook and they do it rather quickly.  To be honest, broccoli would have burned in the regular stove, too, in that long.  Would you like to come eat with me?  We can order a pizza and it smells better there. And there’s no smoke.”  She waved at the black smoke billowing from the charred food.</p><p>He looked sort of like a puppy who has done a bad thing on your shoe. She patted his arm.  “It happens to all of us, Rogers. Come eat pizza.”  </p><p>She helped him turn on the exhaust fan on the stove and found some spray to help get rid of the smell.  </p><p>“We may have to call Stark to get someone in here to wash all this stuff to get the smell out,” she told him as she wrinkled her nose at his smoky clothes.  </p><p>“Can’t we do it? I’d rather Stark not know.”</p><p>She sighed.  “Men! Yeah, I’ll help you but you owe me, Rogers, you owe me big.  Now get out of those clothes and come over to my apartment.”</p><p>“Naked?” </p><p>The thought had appeal.  “No, silly, got anything packed up in bags?”</p><p>“Yeah, sweats. They’re even clean.” </p><p>He got the bag and the clothing had been protected by the bag. Fortunately, the apartments did have opening outside windows and also washing machines.  They opened all the windows and put a load of clothes in the washer. </p><p>“You can stay on my sofa.” </p><p>In the end, Clint and Bruce helped, too, and they got him back in his apartment in two days and none of them told Stark what had happened.  Steve was embarrassed enough without Tony knowing.</p><p>Steve invited Natasha over for dinner when he was back in his apartment. He ordered Chinese and didn’t burn anything.  She brought him a microwave cookbook and a regular cookbook when she showed up at his door. </p><p>“One more piece of advice – look up how to do stuff on youtube. I do it all the time.” </p><p>Natasha could have sworn that she didn’t have a maternal bone in her body, but she wanted to help Steve, to make things easier for him.  Later, she realized it was attraction and simple affection that made her feel that way, nothing motherly at all. </p><p>Things were quiet for a while.  She took the time to teach him about smartphones, microwaves, and other things he didn’t know about.  He finally did learn to make a few things on the stove though he’d never be a gourmet cook. He could scramble an egg and mash potatoes now.  And broccoli, he could steam broccoli like a pro.  </p><p>One evening, they were watching the news and eating takeout when she caught Steve staring at her.</p><p>“What? Do I have mustard on my nose?” </p><p>“No, you look great. I was just wondering why you’re taking so much time to help me.” </p><p>“You’re helpless, Rogers. A woman likes to be needed.” </p><p>He grinned.  “Yeah, sorry about that. The world is very different from my time. We still wore woolen underwear when I was a kid. We were poor as dirt, too. Ma died when I was a teenager.  Bucky and his folks looked after me when I’d let them.  It’s hard to get used to all the bright lights and all the people everywhere.  There’s information everywhere, too, with the internet. It gets to be a lot sometimes.”</p><p>She got up to grab another beer and ruffled his hair.  Sometimes he seemed like a boy, well, he did until she looked at him. That was when she realized that she really liked him.  A lot.  And that he was all man, not a boy at all.  He didn’t seem to notice it though.  It made her feel a little like the teen she never really got to be. </p><p>Several months after they’d moved in, Nick Fury sent word that he wanted Rogers back in DC. Natasha drove him down there. She was not happy to see him go. She liked being his neighbor and enjoyed the friendship they’d built. She hoped to build something more on that friendship. She planned on staying a few days in DC, bunking on his sofa and helping him get moved in.  </p><p>“You sure you can do this without burning yourself up with the microwave?” she asked him on the first evening. </p><p>He laughed.  “You’ve taught me well. I’ve already started collecting take out menus.”</p><p>“I’m a little pissed at Fury for having you move down here.  I’m going to miss you.” </p><p>She took him to Target to buy sheets and towels, since he had only one decent set of either one. </p><p>“Do you want Iron Man sheets?” She grabbed a package and held it up.  “Oh, look, Captain America, too!” </p><p>“Maybe just some nice white ones?  I don’t want to sleep on faces,” he laughed, “certainly not mine or Stark’s.” </p><p>They got sheets, towels, household stuff and some groceries before heading back to the apartment building that she suspected was all SHIELD agents.  Steve was still a bit amazed at the number of things there were to buy in this time.  </p><p>“We didn’t have a lot, but no one we knew had much either.  Now there’s just so much <i>stuff</i> everywhere. I mean, when I went to get pants, there were like twelve different tan pants in my size and they were all almost the same, same price, same style… just different brands.”</p><p>“I grew up in a place with no access to the outside.  We all were basically the same.” </p><p>He didn’t ask her any questions and she was glad.  Someday she’d tell him more about the Red Room, just not today.  </p><p>She helped him put this stuff away and they popped a frozen pizza in the oven.  It wasn’t bad.  The beer was better and Natasha found herself drinking too much.  She slowed down before she got tipsy enough to make a pass at him, mostly because she didn’t want to screw up her friendship with Steve by scaring him off.  </p><p>Steve went to the bedroom and came back in his sweats, carrying a blanket and a pillow.  </p><p>“You can have the bed.  I’ll sleep out here,” he told her. “I owe you that much for driving me here and helping me so much.”</p><p>She shook her head at his chivalry and slept in his bed.  He had no idea that she’d grabbed the shirt he had worn and slept with it close to her.  </p><p>Time came soon enough for her to head back to Avengers Tower and New York. He walked her to her car and before she got in, he took her hand in his.  </p><p>“Thanks again for being such a good friend,” he said as he pulled her close for a quick kiss on the lips.  She got in the car and as she closed the door, he said, “Let me know when you get home.”  </p><p>She nodded and was gone. </p><p>*</p><p>2. </p><p>Natasha missed Steve something awful.  She didn’t realize that they’d become so close until he wasn’t around every day. She did talk to him almost daily. He told her about what he was doing, which seemed to be a lot of busy work. He told her about a girl in his building named Kate. She was pretty and blond and was very nice.  </p><p>Natasha called Maria Hill. </p><p>“Move me to DC,” she said without preamble. </p><p>“Hello, Romanov. Why do you want to move down here?” </p><p>“Rogers. I like him, like working with him. There’s no telling what idiot thing Fury will do with him without me there to watch his back.”</p><p>“I can’t argue with you, but you know he’s a grown man.”</p><p>“But he’s so damned innocent sometimes, Hill.”</p><p>Maria said nothing for a bit. “So that’s the way it is, huh?”</p><p>“Maybe. Maybe not.”</p><p>“Does he feel this way?”</p><p>“You’ve met him. He’s the sweetest, most clueless man in the world. I could dance naked in his lap and I’d still have to tell him what I wanted.”</p><p>“I’ll see if Fury will okay the transfer, but I’m not telling him about this. Be careful. He’s worth ten of the rest of us and then some,” Hill told her. </p><p>“I know that, Hill. I know.” </p><p>*</p><p>“I’m moving to DC,” she told him a few days later. “Not sure where Fury will put me, but I’ll be down tomorrow.”</p><p>“Call me when you get here. I’ll help you with your stuff and take you to dinner.”</p><p>She actually couldn’t wait to see him. He’d become so much a part of her life these last few months. What the hell? Caring about anyone but Barton and herself was dangerous. But Rogers had worked his way into her heart. She also wanted to work her way into his bed but wasn’t sure it would ever happen. </p><p>“I’m here. Fury has me down in Reston. I’ll drive over and get you and take you with me.” She had called him as soon as she’d reported in at SHIELD headquarters. </p><p>He was actually waiting outside the apartment building when she drove up. </p><p>“Hey, big boy, wanna ride in my car?” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and laughed.  </p><p>He got in and kissed her cheek. “Glad to see you.” He sounded stressed. </p><p>“Rough week?” </p><p>“Boring mostly. Paperwork. Women in the building flirting all the time. Rumlow being an ass, as usual. I know he’s good, but something about him puts me on edge.”</p><p>“He’s just an uncouth bastard. Good at his job but an ass,” she said. “That all?” </p><p>“I’m wasting my time here. Not getting any assignments much, not any of consequence anyway.” </p><p>“Want me to talk to Hill?  She’s the only person I know who has any influence at all on Fury. Maybe we can work together.” </p><p>“Worth a try, I guess.” </p><p>“Steve, you don’t have to do what they tell you without argument. Fury will tell you that you do, but he’s full of shit and we both know that.” </p><p>“I’m trying to be a team player.”</p><p>“Bullshit,” she barked with laughter. “You’ve never been a team player. You take care of your team, but following orders is not your specialty.” </p><p>He shrugged. “Busted.”</p><p>“Well, you can help me get settled in and then we can find some trouble to get into.” </p><p>They went to the furnished apartment.  Natasha’s belongings fit in one suitcase and a duffel. Fury or Hill had even had someone stock the place right down to a couple of bottles of Stoli on the kitchen cabinet.    </p><p>Natasha set her bag down and poured herself a drink.  She turned to Steve and nodded toward the bottle.</p><p>“Sure, why not?” </p><p>She poured him one, too, and handed it to him. </p><p>“Us,” she held her glass up and he tapped his against it. “”To us.”</p><p>They drank. She wondered if she could blame the vodka if she got shit-faced and made a pass at him.  He wouldn’t turn her down, would he? Maybe he would.  So far, there’d been no rumors of him and anyone of any sex. Maybe he was gay. Maybe he just didn’t do sex. Maybe it was her.</p><p>“You going to stay here tonight? Maybe we can cook something.” </p><p>“I can make broccoli and potatoes,” he offered with a grin. </p><p>They rummaged and found some fresh chicken breasts in the fridge, some fresh herbs on the counter in a jar of water.  Garlic, butter, cheese and a couple more glasses of vodka and they had a rosemary chicken with broccoli in cheese sauce. </p><p>Steve ate like a horse as she nibbled and drank more vodka. It took more than a few glasses to knock her on her ass and she wasn’t quite there yet. </p><p>She did get drunk enough to loosen her tongue a little. </p><p>“So, Cap, is there a girl? Surely you’re not living the life of a monk.” There is was, out in the room. He could tell her what he liked without telling her much. She just hoped it included her. </p><p>“Too much busy work from Fury for a girl. I did go out with Hill to dinner once, though she told me if I thought there was more than just dinner in the invitation, she’d break my arm.”</p><p>Natasha laughed. That was so like Maria.  Objectively, she’d make a good match for Steve. She was tough, stubborn and Natasha would bet money that she’d totally dominate Steve in and out of bed. </p><p>“What were you thinking?” he asked.  </p><p>“You don’t want to know.”</p><p>He cocked his head sideways for moment. “But I do.” </p><p>“You and Hill, together.” </p><p>“I don’t have a death wish,” he said. </p><p>“There is that. Well, you wanna sleep over? I don’t want to drive anymore tonight.”</p><p>“Yeah, find me a pillow and I’ll sleep here.” </p><p>It was a weekend so neither had to show up anywhere unless they got a call. They watched movies until late. Steve fell asleep before she did. She sat for a long time. He looked sweet and young when he slept. The little wrinkle between his eyebrows relaxed and he breathed through his mouth. </p><p>She watched him a long time, sipping her vodka still and wondering if anyone could be as innocent as he sometimes seemed. Surely he’d done more than just soldier in Europe. She knew about Agent Carter, but she’d never heard anything that would indicate that it was more than a serious flirtation that never got to grow into more. </p><p>He moaned in his sleep. He seemed distressed. She decided just to watch him for now. Waking a dreamer could be dangerous with one as strong as Steve. He woke suddenly and blinked.  He seemed relieved as he looked at Natasha. </p><p>“Bad dream?” </p><p>“War dreams. Nightmares. I have them a lot.” </p><p>“I have a few nightmares myself.” She held her arms open. “Come here.”  </p><p>He obeyed and moved close enough that she could hug him close. He put his arms around her and his head on her shoulder. She rubbed her hands over his back, as she held him, his breathing evened out again and she realized he was asleep. She gently untangled herself from him and covered him with a blanket, then went to her own bed. </p><p>She must have fallen asleep quickly, because he was making coffee when she woke next. She could get used to having him around, she thought with a smile. </p><p>She was glad they’d moved him out of Avengers Tower and back here to DC.  She got to spend more time with him that way.  Now if she could just figure out a way to let him know that she was crazy about him.  It was hard to expose her heart to him when she’d spent all of her life proving over and over that she had no heart. </p><p>*</p><p>3.<br/>
She did have her moment when they were hiding from Rumlow and his men.  </p><p>The kiss they shared on the escalator had stirred something inside her, something hot and molten, but she didn’t let it show. That would never do. She did feel his interest pressed against her. The fact that he couldn’t hide it made her secretly very happy. </p><p>Her happiness was short lived by the magnitude of what they discovered. Everything either of them had trusted and believed in was a lie. SHIELD was infiltrated to its core by HYDRA.  They couldn’t be sure of anyone but each other, Hill and Fury. </p><p>And a new friend that she’d met when she picked Steve up to go on the mission to the Lumerian Star, the mission that started this mess and blew their world open. That friend was Sam Wilson and that’s where they’d gone when they escaped from the destruction of Camp Lehigh by SHIELD. </p><p>“I’m make you guys some food. You look like you could use a meal.” He stopped a moment then said, “and a bath. You could use a bath too.”</p><p>He’d let them in and they got cleaned up. If she’d been less exhausted and less heartsick, she’d have made a pass at Steve. </p><p>“You okay?” Steve asked as she toweled her hair. </p><p>He wore a wifebeater and was drying his hands as he came out of the bathroom. She wanted to cry. </p><p>He sat down and looked her in the eyes. “What’s going on?” </p><p>“When I first joined SHIELD, I thought I was going straight, but I guess I just traded in the KGB for HYDRA. I thought I knew whose lies I was telling. I guess I can’t tell the difference anymore.”</p><p>“There’s a chance you might be in the wrong business,” he’d said echoing what she’d said to him in the truck going up to New Jersey. </p><p>“I owe you.”</p><p>He’d smiled. “It’s okay.”</p><p>“If it was the other way around, and it was down to me to save your life, and you be honest with me, would you trust me to do it?” she asked him, afraid of his answer. </p><p>“I would now. And I’m always honest.”</p><p>She smiled at him. “Well, you seem pretty chipper for someone who just found out they died for nothing.”</p><p>He sat back and grinned. “Well, I guess I just like to know who I’m fighting.”</p><p>Sam stuck his head in and offered them breakfast. They talked about what had happened. And Sam threw in with them, offering himself to help. He said his wings were at Fort Meade. Steve said that wouldn’t be a problem. He did insist they get a couple hours of sleep before anything. </p><p>Natasha actually felt shy when they went back to Sam’s bedroom. </p><p>“I can go out there. I can sleep anywhere and it doesn’t take much sleep for me anyway,” Steve said as they closed the blinds to make the room a little darker. </p><p>“No. It’s good.” She patted the bed. “Come here and rest with me.” </p><p>He looked grateful that she’d asked him and he lay beside her. “Go to sleep, N’tasha. You’re exhausted.”  </p><p>She lay down and closed her eyes. She listened to him breath and knew he wasn’t yet asleep. She felt his eyes on her.  “Close your eyes, too, Captain Rogers.” </p><p>He laughed and rolled up on his side, facing her. Soon, his breathing did even out and she opened her eyes and looked at him, still amazed at how young and sweet he looked when he slept. She lay back and closed her own eyes. </p><p>“Wake up, guys. We need to get going.” It was Sam and he was speaking in a soft voice. “I made coffee and some more food before we go.” </p><p>Natasha opened her eyes and realized she was lying snuggled up to Steve’s side with her head on his broad chest. He was so warm that she didn’t want to move. </p><p>Sam left the room and Steve looked at her. “Shall we?” </p><p>She looked rather ruefully at him. “If we don’t, who will?” </p><p>They had work to do and not a minute to lose. Her desires were once again put on the back burner. </p><p>The work had been dangerous, painful, dirty and she’d nearly lost Steve. As it was, he would never be the same. They all met at Fury’s grave. Her, Sam, Steve, Fury. </p><p>Her heart ached just to look at him. Finding Barnes had nearly destroyed him. She couldn’t tell him that she had known. She could never tell him that. Leaving him to lick her wounds and work on her cover again was hard, almost the hardest thing she’d done. </p><p> </p><p>4.<br/>
They’d all trickled back into the US and back to Avenger’s headquarters over time. SHIELD was struggling to reorganize itself and the Avengers began to clean up the aftermath of the fall of SHIELD by hunting down HYDRA bases and operatives. </p><p>Natasha had come back home, too. There were threads in her past that she realized she wasn’t yet ready to pull. Besides, the Avengers needed her. </p><p>Life in Avengers Tower was different. She and Steve were next door neighbors again. He was still Captain America, but Steve was quieter, more subdued in some ways. </p><p>“Did you find him?” she finally asked one evening as they walked to a movie theater. </p><p>“He disappeared,” Steve told her. “Whatever happened after the helicarrier, he dropped out of sight. I don’t think he went back to his HYDRA masters. I can’t find any signs of him doing any of their dirty work after that.”</p><p>“Maybe you should just let him go, Steve. He’s not who you think he is anymore. They’ve had him since 1945. He is not Bucky anymore.”</p><p>“He’s still in there, N’tasha. I saw it. He recognized me. I know he did.”</p><p>She didn’t argue with him. It would have done no good. His mind was made up. He would save Barnes, no matter what anyone said. </p><p>Back at the tower, she’d invited him to come over for a drink. </p><p>“Tell me about him,” she said to him as she poured two glasses from her ever present Stoli. </p><p>“He was my rescuer when I was a kid. He would chase the bullies away after me and my big mouth got beat up. I never let the fact that they could pulverize me stop me from starting a fight with anyone.”</p><p>“Some things never change,” she’d said, smiling into her glass.</p><p>“He tried to get me to give up on joining up. I tried and tried, under I don’t even remember how many names, but I was always too small and sickly.”</p><p>“I’ve seen photos but I still can’t imagine you like that.”</p><p>They hung out quite a bit but they never seemed to be as close as they were before Steve found out that Barnes was alive. He was always a little preoccupied with Barnes when they weren’t fighting.</p><p>She found that she seemed to have a way with Banner’s Hulk. Banner himself wasn’t so bad either. Since the thing with Steve never really developed into a thing, she decided to pursue the interest that Bruce seemed to have in her.  He was kind and gentle when he wasn’t the Hulk and she liked that about him.  </p><p>That Steve encouraged Banner to follow up with her was not lost on her, but she told herself it didn’t matter. She asked him one night after they all watched a movie together what he thought about her and Bruce. </p><p>“He’s a nice guy. You could do much worse.”</p><p>“Like who?” </p><p>“Me. I’d make a terrible boyfriend.”  </p><p>“How so?” She’d spent a lot of time with him and had come to a different conclusion. </p><p>“I never really had a girlfriend before.” He looked embarrassed when he said it. </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>“I don’t have much experience with relationships.”</p><p>Did he mean he simply hadn’t dated much or did he mean he was a virgin?  She was no virgin, but she hadn’t exactly had the high and college dating experience. Any dating she had done was totally an undercover job. </p><p>“Me either. I grew up an assassin. And a spy. I know more about murder than love.” </p><p>Steve had been furious at Tony and Bruce for Ultron, blaming them for tinkering with things neither of them should have messed with. She couldn’t blame Steve but she understood Bruce and Tony as well. Tony wanted to make the world safe from aliens and Bruce wanted to make the world safe from himself. </p><p>She’d pressed Bruce for a more intimate relationship.</p><p>“I can’t risk it.” He was adamant. </p><p>“I’m willing to try,” she’d told him then felt a bit foolish for coming off so needy and desperate. </p><p>“What if I Hulk out and hurt you? Or kill you?”</p><p>“Shouldn’t that be my decision?” She was getting a little angry with him.</p><p>“No. Not entirely. If I hurt you, then it’s on me. I couldn’t live with that.”</p><p>It all became moot after Sokovia anyway when Bruce disappeared. </p><p>“I’m sure he’s all right. I remember him telling us he couldn’t kill himself,” Steve told her, trying to comfort her. </p><p>“He’d rather fly off than be with me?” She was angry and hurt. The tears threatened but she wouldn’t let them fall. </p><p>“I think he’d rather fly off than hurt you or anyone else,” Steve told her and pulled her into a hug. </p><p>“He didn’t ask me! Don’t I get a say?” She looked up at him. </p><p>“I can’t speak for Bruce and I’m sorry he hurt you.” </p><p>Out of the blue, she kissed him, throwing caution to the wind and giving him all her passion and her hurt. He kissed her back, holding her close in his arms. He pulled away, breathing hard. “I’m so sorry, N’tasha. I shouldn’t have.” He looked stricken. “It would be taking advantage of you!”</p><p>She wanted to yell at him not to stop, to drag him to her bed and do all the things she’d thought about, but he was right. It wouldn’t be fair. To him. To her either. </p><p>“Maybe you’d better go. We’ll talk later,” she finally said to him and he left. </p><p>5. </p><p>She spent a lot more time with Steve AND Tony as their friendship began to show strains, strains brought on by their very different ideas on what their functions were and should be. Then Lagos happened and all hell broke loose.   Though she was initially on Tony’s side, she’d let Steve and Bucky go in the end.  </p><p>Then he was on the run, but so was she. </p><p>Just like after the fall of SHIELD, she needed to go to ground and find out who Natasha Romanov was. This time she ran all the way back to her roots – Russia. She had suspected for several years that most of her memories were planted or invented by her trainers at the Red Room Academy. </p><p>She never told anyone that she recognized Bucky Barnes when he’d killed her asset when she was still working as a Russian operative. She hadn’t known who he was exactly and still didn’t but she remembered his face, his smile. </p><p>There were other secrets had that she didn’t understand. She had odd memories now and then from times before she was born, things that happened in the 60s or 70s. She knew logically that they must be false memories.  Or were they? Bucky was as old as Steve and she knew him. Maybe she was older than she knew, too. </p><p>Whatever she found out didn’t matter. She simply needed some answers. She needed to know who she had been, if it was possible to find that out. </p><p>Steve had asked her once if she was enhanced. She wasn’t sure, but she’d suspected for quite a while that she was. When she thought of the things she could do, they were a little beyond the abilities of a trained female SHIELD agent. Hell, they were beyond the abilities of a trained male agent. She didn’t heal as fast Steve nor was she as strong as he was, but she wasn’t as far behind him as the others. </p><p>She looked up Yelena Belova, one of the other girls she remembered from the Black Widow Program. She was working as a liaison to the US in Moscow.  When Natasha showed up outside her work, she was surprised. </p><p>“I thought you were dead, Natalia.” She spoke English, her accent no more evident than Natasha’s was. </p><p>“You can’t kill us very easily. I thought you worked as an agent.” </p><p>Yelena laughed. “Don’t be silly. I have no time to talk now.” She fished a business card out of her bag and gave it to Natasha. “Call me. I get off work at seven.”</p><p>Natasha called after seven and they met in a bar that both of them remembered. It was a little hole in the wall called the Iron Curtain. </p><p>“How have you been, living in America?” Yelena asked her. </p><p>“Busy. I’m sort of at loose ends right now and I thought I’d look you up. We haven’t seen one another since we were just out of the Red Room.”</p><p>Yelena smiled. “What are you after?” She was no fool. Natasha didn’t just how up now for no reason at all. </p><p>“I want to go back there, to see where we grew up.”</p><p>“So why contact me?” </p><p>“I don’t know where it is.” </p><p>Yelena looked shocked at Natasha’s statement. “How could you not know?”</p><p>“I don’t remember. There is much I can’t remember about our lives.”</p><p>“Maybe it is because you betrayed your country and left it.”</p><p>Natasha shrugged. “Maybe so. Do you remember the Winter Soldier?”</p><p>“The Winter Soldier? The old KGB had such a program but terrorists recently broke into the old facility and ruined it, I have heard.”</p><p>Natasha knew better than that though she wasn’t sure that Yelena knew it was a lie.</p><p>“I’ve seen one of them. He isn’t dead. I see him in my dreams, Yelena. Do you remember a man with blue eyes and one arm?”</p><p>“Of course not,” Yelena said, but Natasha remembered her tell. She blinked a fraction too quickly when she lied and she did that now. Natasha remembered her being beaten to try to correct it, but she never had. She’d learned to tell the truth in a way that gave nothing away, but she couldn’t lie without it showing. </p><p>“So where was the Red Room? I just want to see it for myself, to put that ghost away.”</p><p>“I can take you there. Are you sure it’s what you want?”</p><p>Natasha nodded. </p><p>“We will fly to Minsk and drive from there. It’s in the Maryina Horka Forest.”</p><p>Natasha nodded. She trusted Yelena as much as she trusted anyone from her past. She was sure that Yelena’s mind was as full of false memories and holes as hers was. </p><p>The next day, they got an early start. Yelena had Saturday off so no one took note of her leaving with her old friend. They arrived in Minsk in the early afternoon and drove to the forest in a rental that rattled and shook as if it had been one of the first cars ever built. Despite its extreme age and general terrible condition, they found their way to the forest.  They had to get out of the truck and walk only a few miles in. Natasha was glad she wore her boots and a warm coat. </p><p>There were several buildings, all in disrepair now, and as soon as she saw them, memories came flooding back. Ballet dancing (which she was sure was a planted memory), learning to speak English, archery, knife fighting, Yelena, and she stopped dead in her tracks when the memory of Bucky Barnes teaching them how to fight in hand to hand combat came into her mind as clear as day. </p><p>“Are you all right, Natalia?” Yelena asked her, concern on her face. </p><p>“Too many memories.” </p><p>“I asked if you were certain you wanted to come here.” Yelena put an arm aro0und her shoulder and squeezed. </p><p>“I did. It’s just harder than I thought it would be.” </p><p>They went inside one of the buildings. Natasha remembered training in  unarmed combat on the wooden floors. There were no soft mats to catch them when they were slammed into the floor. She had taken and given a few beatings there for sure. They visited the library, where she was sent to talk to the Headmistress when she’d done something wrong, which was more often than most of the girls. </p><p>They finally arrived at the dormitories where they’d slept. There were rows of small beds up one side of the room and down the other. Each bed still had a set of handcuffs dangling from the wrought iron head board. Every girl was handcuffed to her bed every night to prevent escape and to reinforce the fact that they would never be free again. </p><p>Natasha closed her eyes. She could hear the cold wind howling as the staff came by and unlocked their cuffs for breakfast and their first lesson of the day. She had never known anything different. She’d considered them family, the only family she had. </p><p>That was no longer true. Her new family was a dysfunctional mess, but they loved her and God help her, she loved them. She didn’t belong here. Whatever ghosts lurked here, she didn’t need to dig them up now. It would serve no purpose for her or anyone else. </p><p>“I’m ready to go, Yelena,” she said as she turned and realized that Yelena was gone. She went outside and looked around. She saw an ATV going into the woods.  Yelena was sitting behind someone else as they drove away. </p><p>She pulled out her phone and realized she had no idea who to call. It was nearly night so she went back inside, dug a protein bar out of her pack and sat down to think.  When night fell, she decided to get some sleep. She found the cot she’d slept on when she lived here. Third one from the window on the inside wall of the room. She lay down and sleep overtook her much faster than she’d have thought. </p><p>It was still pitch dark when she awakened suddenly. </p><p>“N’tasha! It’s me.” </p><p>Me who? She though as she slipped her hand under her waistband to find the knife secreted there. She pulled it out as she turned over and put it to the neck of the man who was kneeling beside her cot. </p><p>She saw his face in the moonlight.</p><p>“Steve! What the fuck are you doing here?” she jerked her knife back from his throat.</p><p>“I’ve been looking for you. We picked your trial up in Moscow. I followed you and the blond out here yesterday. I wasn’t the only one. The person who came for her was another woman. About your age.”</p><p>“That would be Melina. She and Yelena came through the Red Room with me.”</p><p>“I – I missed you and wanted to ask you to join me and Sam. We fight wherever we’re needed.”</p><p>“Mercenaries?” </p><p>“No. Freelance, but not mercs. We have equipment, a Quinjet and we have no idea who finances us. We get anonymous tips and intel.”</p><p>“But Sam was in the Raft.” </p><p>“None of them are now.  Barton and Lang are under house arrest. Wanda is on the run. So are me and Sam. Wanna go on the lam with us?” </p><p>“It’s the middle of the night and it’s cold!” </p><p>“We have a vehicle at the edge of the forest and we can be back in Berlin in a few hours.”</p><p>“Stay here with me for a little while.”</p><p>“They’ll come for you at dawn,” Steve told her. </p><p>“Probably but maybe not. You never know what Yelena and Melina will do. I knew Yelena was still an operative for the Russians but Melina left Russia years ago, before Clint rescued me.”</p><p>She lay back down and looked up at Steve in the moonlight. “Let’s stay here for a little while.” She reached for him and he looked a little confused for a moment, then he went to her arms, lying beside her on the small cot. Both of them were soon asleep.</p><p>Natasha woke him before dawn. </p><p>“We need to get dressed and get out of here before anyone comes looking for me or you.” </p><p>“I agree. Sam will meet us outside the forest. We have the Quinjet parked at a safe distance. It’s in stealth mode so no one can find it.”</p><p>They pulled on their coats and slipped out of the building.  They both checked out the surrounding area and found no one nearby. Yet. The hike through the woods might have been challenging to anyone not in the superb shape that they both were in. As it was, they came out near the Quinjet in less than an hour.  </p><p>Sam hugged her when they boarded. “Long time, no see.” </p><p>She found she was genuinely glad to see him as well. Sam had been a good friend to Steve and he was a damn fine guy to have on their team, too. </p><p>Life on the run with Steve was different from life back at Avenger’s headquarters. He had changed, he was angrier, with a bitterness that he’d kept better hidden before. To the outside world, he looked cold, but he wasn’t. He was disillusioned somewhat but he was still stubbornly good.</p><p>They had just finished a mission in Somalia. A local warlord had somehow gotten some old Stark missiles and was threatening to blow up his rival’s stronghold if his demands were not met. Unfortunately, his rival’s stronghold was in the middle of Mogadishu. They had gone in and relieved the warlord of his missiles and of many of his soldiers. They let the local authorities pick up the rest of the trouble makers. The missiles would be returned to Stark Industries for proper disposal. </p><p>They flew to a safe house in Italy. It was a vineyard and winery that belonged to a friend of whoever their silent benefactor was. The villa was old, though it had been modernized with state of the art plumbing internet and electronics. They parked the plane out past the vineyards in an open area. They left it in stealth mode. </p><p>The caretaker and his wife welcomed them to the house. They seemed thrilled that Steve had brought a female companion with them. The old woman gave Natasha knowing looks when she thought Steve wasn’t looking. </p><p>After dinner, Steve asked her, “Would you like to go for a walk?” </p><p>“Sure. Why not?” The night was cool but nothing near the cold they’d encountered in Russia and Belarus a few months before. </p><p>They grabbed their jackets and went out to walk in the roads that wound through the vineyards. They walked quite a while in silence, not a companionable silence but rather a pregnant one, filled with expectation. Natasha wondered what it was Steve had brought her out here to tell her. </p><p>He stopped walking and turned to her at the far end of the road. He blushed so deeply that even the moonlight couldn’t hide it. He started to speak then hesitated. </p><p>“Well?” Natasha asked.</p><p>“I want you, I always have but I – why would you want me? I’m a hundred years old and I have nothing.”</p><p>“I don’t need stuff. I need you, Steve.” </p><p>She moved closer to him and put her arm around his waist as they turned and walked back toward the villa. He put his arm around her shoulder.  They stopped before they got out of the vineyard as Steve turned her toward him, then kissed her as he took her into his arms. It was their first real kiss in a very long time. He held her against him as she put her arms around his neck. </p><p>“Come to my room with me, Steve. There is no reason for either of us to be alone.”</p><p>He nodded and took her hand in his as they walked back to the house. Sam was sitting by the fire, reading a book when they came in. he looked up at them and smiled. “It’s about time the two of you realized that you belong together.”</p><p>Natasha grinned at him then stuck her tongue out at him. She and Steve went upstairs to her bedroom. </p><p>As soon as they closed the door, he said, “Are you sure about this?”</p><p>“Which part?” she asked.  </p><p>“N-“ he started but she stopped him.</p><p>“Shhh. Kiss me, Steve.” </p><p>He did, the kiss she’d dreamed of. It started out like the other kisses she’d shared with him, sweet and tender, but it heated up when she opened her mouth and he slipped his tongue inside. As his tongue slid against hers, she felt him flex his hips the tiniest bit. He was already hard.  She smiled into the kiss. </p><p>She slid her hands down to cup his bottom, pulling him against her. </p><p>They kissed again. He put his hand on her chest, cupping her breast through her sweater. She shivered, though not from the cool night air.</p><p>He tugged at the hem of her sweater and slid his hand underneath it, cupping her naked breast in his hand this time. He teased her nipple with his fingers. </p><p>She shivered again. </p><p>Strangely enough, it was only at that point that she mentioned his beard. “I like the facial hair. You look rugged.” Her hands weren’t idle either by now. She slipped her hand down between them and rubbed him through his trousers.  He was rock hard. And big. She laughed, a low throaty laugh, when he groaned at her caress. </p><p>“My bed looks lonely. Shall we?” she asked him. They sat on the side of the bed. He pulled her sweater all the way up, exposing her breasts to his hungry gaze. He bit his lip then dipped his head to kiss the pale skin in the valley between her breasts before he licked a trail up to one of her nipples, sucking it deep into his mouth and teasing it with his tongue at the same time. </p><p>She put her hands on his head and watched him as he drove her crazy with his hungry suckling. He acted like a starving man. Maybe he was. She knew she was starving for what he was doing to her. </p><p>He looked up at her and grinned. “Can you tell that I want you now?” He moved his hand down to cup her mound through her pants. </p><p>“Yeah, little bit. I need you to be naked now,” she told him as she began to tug on his shirt. </p><p>They spent the next few minutes removing their clothing, stopping now and again for a kiss. When they were naked, they lay down, facing one another on Natasha’s bed. They came together to kiss, pressing their naked bodies together.  Natasha moved until she managed to get Steve on top of her. She let her legs fall open. He sort of naturally fit between them. She reached down and took him into her hand. His breath hissed out as she touched the velvety smoothness.</p><p>“Steve,” she breathed as she thrust her hips upward and guided him with her hand. She didn’t want to wait any longer. She’d already waited years for him. </p><p>“Ohhh, mmmm,” was the sound he made as he pressed into her. He didn’t move so she moved her hips toward him, taking more of him inside. She looked up into his face. He was biting his lip and his eyes looked nearly black in the dim light. She began to move her hips, taking him deeper. </p><p>“You won’t hurt me,” she murmured, finally figuring that he feared that he would. It was then that she realized that he must be rather more inexperienced than she’d thought. She didn’t care. She wanted him and needed him. She hoped he knew that what happened before now didn’t matter to her.  </p><p>He began to move cautiously, pressing all the way inside. She gripped his ass and guided his movements. “Yes, Steve, come on, oh, yes,” she said to him as she wrapped her legs around him and arched up against him again.  </p><p>“Hot,” he said. “You’re so hot, God, so tight. N’tasha!” His movements were more confident now as his thrusts became long and deep. </p><p>She knew he wasn’t going to last long at the pace he’d set and she didn’t care. She needed to give him pleasure this time. She needed to feel him, to see him. His thrusts became a little more erratic. He was so close already. She shifted her position a little, giving him even better access to her depths, then she crossed her legs behind him and rode him from underneath</p><p>He found her mouth for a kiss. He pressed deep and stayed inside her, crying out in his pleasure. She felt his cock throb as he came inside her, filling her with his warmth and his seed. </p><p>“I didn’t – oh fuck – I -” he started to say.</p><p>She put her finger over his lip and whispered “shhh.”  </p><p>“But -”</p><p>“It’s all right.”</p><p>She knew he meant that he’d not used protection, but she didn’t need it. The Red Room had taken care of that as its final gift to her.</p><p>“Steve, we don’t need protection. I can’t get – pregnant and super soldiers don’t have diseases.” </p><p>He moved off of her and pulled her close. He didn’t say anything. Natasha decided to be quiet and just enjoy the time in his arms.  She smoothed his long hair and pulled the blankets over them both. He was snoring softly in a few moments. She dozed a little but mostly, she watched him sleep.</p><p>He woke before the sun rose and reached for her. This time she was on top of him. He watched her as she was swept away in the pleasure of her own orgasm. He bucked and cried out only moments later, undone by the sight of her. </p><p>They slept again until morning, staying in Italy until the world intruded again.</p>
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